The year was … well I don’t know. I don’t remember that well. I’d my cousin staying with us. S. She was the first real beautiful girl I’d noticed. Instinctively, I actually had my first real crush on her.
I reportedly told my mom that when I grew up I’d be marrying S. It was reportedly made into a bad joke to rehearse at almost every other family gathering. But, it sunk into those bayous where something that has been the “in-thing” for a while and later discarded noiselessly in due course of time.
If I remember somebody who’s kissed on my lips that’s S. That’s gotta be my first real kiss. It felt like for the longest time. I was about 10 years old. I don’t think I was perverse. But it couldn’t be argued either that I couldn’t be one altogether. She was about 20, but she looked even less. She’s now married off with a daughter and a son.
I hated it when she got engaged. Was I possessive of my “crush”? Was I? I don’t know. Lemme not know–
I hated the person she married.
Why do the loveliest women get married to the most undeserving jerks?
Did I cry into my pillows that night?
Nopes.
Do I still hate her hus?
May be.
She was the person I confided all my li’l secrets in. The person I could trust really really well. But that was before her marriage. ‘Cause after her marriage, we began to see each other less so often. We’d drifted. We’d distanced each other before we realized a “drift” was going on. I couldn’t see that coming.
Of course with all that we still call each other though not often as often. Of course with all that we still see each other at gatherings that we’ve. Of course with all that we still speak with each other, but not like the way we did like in Ol’ times.
I want it like before.
I want it like Ol’ times.
If I can dream.